In the dark.
One of the things I am most grateful for is that nowadays, whenever I close my eyes, there´s silence. Pure, pristine, absolutely peaceful silence. It does not matter if I am in the bathroom, if I am driving - just kidding - , if I am at a restaurant, at the supermarket, or in the middle of a stressful situation. If I close my eyes for the tiniest bit, say three seconds, there is silence. It wasn´t always like that.
Oh, believe me, it wasn´t.
My mind was loud, controlling, intense, desperate. I usted to think that was me, trapped in my head, wanting to get out by any means possible. I couldn´t wait to be dead so I would find peace again. Yes, my mind was THAT harsh.
When I discovered that meditation wasn´t a practice of no-thought, breathe, visualise colours while your back is killing you softly, little did I know that I was discovering the door to experience freedom my head in this lifetime. The Ishaya dudes told me that I didn´t need to stop my train of thoughts, that I didn´t need to stop to thinking in order to experience a state of consciousness beyond it. What are you telling me? I am trying to get rid of this thing, to kill the so-called-ego, and you are telling me that my head is part of the drill?
Well, they were right. Now when I hear my head it´s really similar to suddenly start to pay attention to the annoying neighbour in an apartment with very thin walls. I can´t explain it to you unless you have the same experience, but there is a recognition that I am not my head. I am this free being that hops up and down, and loves to write and cook, and struggles with tummy issues, and watches tv shows, and can´t stand warm light because it hurts my eyes. This person that lives and loves and laughs, and no one is directing my actions nor judging or complaining or criticising or trying to help me in every single step I take.
And strangely that state is the less lonely state in the world. It is full. I wake up full, I go to bed full, regardless of the day I had. And it´s not an arrogant proud satisfaction. It is more like that feeling of fullness when you hop in the fresh ocean on a hot day of summer. Or when you reunite with your best friend after months or years of not seeing each other. Is a grateful fullness.
So yeah, I owe a lot to meditation. To be more concrete, I owe a lot to the Ishayas´ Ascension. Do not be fooled by the funny name, The Bright Path is actually a bright path. Hopefully one day you will try it.