The ultimate survivor´s guide to unexpected breakups- month one.
It´s been a month since the unexpected break. Yes, the one that on a Friday afternoon (who breaks up on a Friday, really?) arrived to my dinner table and told me... "well... I don´t see us together in the future... hmm.. I don´t love you, but you are great.. so..... I don´t know what should we do.. " After the obvious answer, the punch, the OMG what am I going to do, the licking the wounds and all that, here I am, after a month....or so.. Man, time flies. So much I´ve learned in the past weeks I cannot begin to grasp it all. Nor I want to though, I rather keep letting it go so more and more experiences can come.
Here are some of the things I´ve seen in the last week-ish.
Life is always working on your behalf. Like, seriously. When you don´t belong somewhere, and you seem pretty content with things as they are, life will kick you in the butt. Sometimes in the form of another person being the "mean" one, but it will kick you. And you better move. Scratches in the arms from all the holding on don´t look pretty.
But more importantly, if you let go, you will see that all is happening in your benefit. It means you are meant for bigger things, greater thing, a much more enjoyable life. So if you happened to be, like me, thinking it was all pretty good, fasten your seat belt because it can only get better.
Great things happen when you let go And no, I am not talking about another dude. I am still in the I am better off myself stage and haven´t even glared at any other possibility. I am talking about falling more and more in love with yourself, and receive all the friends, travels, new projects, new places to live, that life is offering me.
Oh how I sold myself short. This one is actually embarrassing for me to acknowledge. But hey, who cares right? I´ve realized more and more how I started compromising in order to fit into that relationship. In order to be "suitable" for him. So I kept small so I wouldn´t scare him. I left the magic side of me dormant because he didn´t like it. I started dressing less, well, me, because he wasn´t as funky. I started editing my writing because he never wanted to hear any juicy details of my past (and believe me I have plenty). Practically he didn´t like anything that stands out. And I am all for standing out and being your own unique self! No wonder he didn´t like me. As much as that punched my ego.
And well, I knew for months that he un-iloveyou´d me. Yes. He said I love you, kept saying it, then one day stopped. I knew it, he told me he wasn´t quite there yet, and I allowed that. Silly me. I ignored the fact justifying him with this thing that us women do: Oh, he is scared; oh, it´s because his love standard is really high. Man. There is no point of punching myself in the head anymore.
I sold myself short so he could handle me. One is not supposed to do that. Ever.
Bring all your senses inward. Nothing is lacking. I am so grateful that my senses remain inward and I am not completely outward, searching for the next best thing boy that makes me feel somehow empowered for a day. Oh, the conquest satisfaction. Those were the good ol days that even if they were fun, they weren´t real. But this didn´t happen by accident. My spiritual practice, and the diligence to it pays off. And now I can experience that nothing lacks in this moment. And it´s a wonderful freedom not to need attention. I am loving it.
Keep focusing on walking towards what you want. Exploring my dreams, my passions, building my new life keeps me focused and excited. I wake up happy. Happy for no reason. Happy when I am working on the life I want for me, of creating my own universe. And even happier when I have the opportunity to serve others and when my experience can help someone else overcome theirs.
Keep cleaning you inner shit but do not dwell in the past. Sure, shit sometimes comes up. But I am not looking for it. If it´s there, I deal with it. I find what I need to learn (not what he should´ve done), I try to absorb wisdom, let go of patterns, and then bye bye moment. Keep it real. Don´t hide behind "it´s all perfect" if you are struggling. But don´t dwell either. You are better than that.
Nor the future for that matter. Of course sometimes I see the future and I feel a bit panicky: Oh I am going to spend the rest of my life without sharing it with a real man. And then, fuck that! We never know what will happen. Ever, ever. What I do know is that I am not compromising for less than what I deserve and I am willing to give. But right now, gladly, I do not have to think about that.
Thanks for reading!
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