Do not change only when you think you are wrong. Then, you will associate change with the feeling of doing something wrong. You will become rigid, defensive, fightful, resistant. And life will start pushing. Harder everytime. So you let go of whatever is needed for you to become more. Change whenever nobody else wants to change. Be the greater person in the room. Change when you think someone else is wrong and should change. And more often than not, you changing will create ripples around, causing the others to change.
Change whenever changing means being more open, more loving, kinder, more fluid, more accepting of your world.
The other day I was talking to friend who was complaining about someone else. She´s should know how to behave, she should know what her role is. I gently recommended that she could be nice when she talks to her, and to not assume that the other person should know what it was expected from her. Well, I am right and I didn´t do anything wrong, why are you telling ME to do things differently? You always accuse ME of being wrong!
I am not implying that you are wrong. You are probably right. Yet, maybe if you do things differently you will get a different response. To what she replied: Well, if I am right, and I didn´t do anything wrong, why is it ME that has to change? Changing my attitude would mean accepting that I am doing things wrong. And I am not.
I left the conversation like that. There was no room for more.
We do this often. Wether we are conscious of a similar dialog in our heads or not. We often prefer to be right than to be at peace. We often want other people to change since we didn´t do anything wrong. So I am putting my foot down. And we hate the feeling of being wrong.
We only apologize when we consider we did something wrong (if so), when, in my own discovery, offering an apology when other people´s perception of our actions, got their feelings hurt despite our intention, is worth one thousand rights.
We don´t see what it is offered to us: the opportunity to rise above the situation and shed a different light on it. The light of love. If we are constantly bumping into someone or something, it´s probably because we do need to tweak our attitude, towards a more accepting, more gentle, more clear way of relating. And here is the important part: regardless of who is right.
See, we usually do not acknowledge this in practice, but everyone is a reflection of ourselves. Our whole world reflects our inner state. Not only certain people, not only when convenient, but all the time, every time, everyone.
Recently I went through a phase of feeling unloved by my partner. He was wrong and I was right. Why? Because I said I love you everyday, every time I could, and he didn´t. Because I did all these nice things, and according to myself, he didn´t. So my conclusion was, that we wasnt´loving himself enough, hence, he couldn´t give me any love.
And because I am too stubborn with my path, and the Universe loves me very much, I got to see, that I was only reflecting myself in the situation. I wasn´t giving myself the love I was demanding (exactly what I was seeing in him). I was grasping from the outside to feel complete. Actually, I got to recognize that I had felt unloved plenty of times even when he was all loving and mushy. So no matter what happened, I was still going to feel unloved. Because it had to do with me, not with him, and the situation was going to keep popping up until I saw it. So after resisting for a while, Why do I have to change? he is the one that is not loving enough- I saw it. I had to change. I had to be more loving towards myself. So i did. That doesnt´mean he doesn´t have to take care of his own attitudes, but that shall not concern me.
And like that, there are hundreds of opportunities daily when we can do things different. Just ask yourself, whenever there is a bump in your road, if the situation is asking you to be more loving? More open? More free? To let go of a position? Of an idea? To stop blaming the situation and simply let go?
If any of the answers is yes. Just do it. A weight will be lifted of your shoulders immediately.
And if someone asks you to change, to do something different, try to not immediately assume that the other person is blaming you for doing something wrong. You don´t have to be doing something wrong in order to do things better. You are always doing your best, until you know better. And then, you are doing your best again. The people around you is your Universe talking to you, always, so listen closely.
Many many times, someone asking you to do things different, is the Universe´s way to tell you: It´s time to step up, to rise up the stakes, you are ready to contain more love.
Enjoy your change.