The day before marriage
I just got back from a wedding in Mallorca. One of my closest friends got married, and I was lucky enough to be on this side of the world for the event. For some strange cosmic reason, this is the first time in my life that I experience the backstage of a wedding, the before moments, the coming together of an event. If I were 18, this would be totally normal, but I am in my thirties, and most people I know, have somehow experienced the hoop and loops of the day before marriage. So, this is the quick scenario setting of this particular event: wedding at city hall, pic-nic at the beach, only the closest friends of the bride and groom. Period. Simple, easy, basic, to the point. Well, there is one word to describe the day before the wedding: Stress. People´s arrivals, last minute change of plans, different opinions on the same event, unforeseen situations, huge emotion from all participants, etc. On the surface, this is what it appears. Stressful times. Yet, my experience of it was completely different. As you know, i am a romance practitioner and a true believer in love. However, on the other hand, for the longest time i was never fond of the idea of marriage, and the whole wedding thing. But this ain´t about me.
This two lovebirds, made a huge commitment to one another a few months ago.
The expressed the desire and will to get married. Now, for the cynical inside of you, let me tell you they´ve overcame all statistics: age difference where the girl is older than the boy, and a long distance relationship for two years or so. Now, expressed commitment sets the wheels of the Universe in motion, brings the stakes higher, and that kind of alignment of the hearts, will start pouring out to the surface and will clean every aspect in the involved parties that is not aligned, will present twists and turns in their lives, just so the bond grows stronger and get a preview of how life with the other person will be, in any situation. I guess this is why we as humans were created with a voice, not to talk and talk, but to actually manifest a vibration out in the universe of what the heart is yearning for.
So, in the middle of all this stress, sitting at a beauty salon getting pedicure and hair done, all the bride´s maids were waiting for the bride that was on her way, stressed out, with no food in her stomach at 4:00 PM. And there she was, in a meltdown. And there he was, the groom, with the stress hiding in his pocket, staring at the scene. And me, I stared from a little bit further, and this is what i saw: Love. Pure love.
It was amazing to see how people function when they get out of the way: this is a special day for these two people, so they forget their own dramas, their own lives, to simply serve and care for the well-being of the beloved. Serving, serving, serving. As in life, the will to take care of the well being of others will have you out of your drama, and will make you happy.
It amazed me the way the groom would be looking at her: pure love. I could experience that no matter how stressed and neurotic she was, he could only see her greatness, allowing her to express her issues but gently reminding her to come back to herself. Seeing her in her absolute perfection, and doing whatever he could so she could calm down and feel better. He forgot about his own drama. And it made me realize she chose well. Because in life sometimes we forget our own greatness and certainly life will present us with situations that sweep us out of balance and disturb at peace. And what is greater that having someone by your side that will allow you to be exactly as you are and will hold you in perfection? I´ve heard many times, of grooms that try to stay as far beyond possible from the bride in the days before the wedding because they just can´t deal with her. And my hunch is, that same happens in the rest of their lives. It touched my heart deeply to experience the she is in great hands.
She couldn´t stop repeating how blessed she was to have him. He, considered himself nothing less than lucky to have her. She´s moving to where he lives and they are both willing to give it all. To build a dream together where their individual dreams fit. To let go of the idea of how they have their lives planned, because the both we smart enough to recognize that once they came together, a new dream is born, new possibilities are open, and only by willing to let go of that, and explore the potential present dream, they could advance as a couple.
Next day, we were all running late for the wedding. The groom was worried since the bride wasn´t ready. Minutes passed and the tension grew. Then she opened the door, and against what I was expecting, that he would run with her towards the elevator so they could make it on time, he just stopped and kissed her, they took the moment to stare at each other and celebrate their love and let her know how pretty she looked. And again, I had an insight of the rest of their lives. They know that love is more important than her tendency to be late, or his tendency to worry. They know that the small moments are what matter and that they are in this boat together looking in the same direction, and not in a kayak where both people are striving to row on the opposite direction.
I guess, the days before the wedding are a preview of how well they function together.
The wedding was beautiful and the picnic was delightful. Relaxed, enjoyable and full of love. They have an idea of what is ahead but I can see they are ready to allow the twists and turns of life, the unexpected, and I am sure they can overcome anything because they have the clear vision of what they want and who the other is, and they always showed respect, care and took each other´s side.
So this are my desires for everyone out there:
That the person you choose to spend your life with be one that always sees your greatness no matter if you forget it for moments, and that he/she holds you in your perfection so you can come back to it whenever you are ready.
That he/she allows you to be in all your flavors, yet letting you know when you are not being the best you can be, with love and acceptance, but with clear direction, keeping you on track.
That he/she considers and knows him/herself lucky to be with someone like you, and vice versa, and never forget the absolute magic that has to happen in this world full of 7 billion people, just so you came together. It is a blessing that not many people have the luck to find, and it´s just plain stupid to find it and then, after a while, take it for granted.
That you both can let go of the idea of your previous life and explore the new dream that is already laid in front of you. Truth is, two people have greater power than one, and there is always a magical purpose for that union that goes way beyond having a house and cleaning dishes or feeding the dog. It is only by allowing change that one can see what is in front, and total fluidity is required. Two whole universes colliding together cannot remain the same. When two people come together is absolutely impossible to remain as the same being,in fact, it´s actually painful and will never work since the love force will in fact kick out of your inside all your protections and fears, so you can become pure love giving pure love.
That you both, have always present, that love is the most important thing, and that focusing on the love for each other through tough times will be the boat that will keep you on float. Even if sometimes the toughness is between the couple. And to remember, that trying to row in different directions will never get you anywhere. Even if the wish to do that is there, focusing on the love will reveal a complete new direction that you both can agree to arrive happily, vulnerable, open and enjoying the wind.
This is my wish to everyone out there, and myself. And this is my present for the lovely, lovely couple.
Congratulations Dude and Dudette!