I used to be a dancer. When I was a three year old I was already walking around like a proud little duck, wearing pink leotards, ballerinas in my hair and ballet shoes. Yes, they are also pink but I always longed for those iconic red shoes. Secretly I still do. I danced until I was 15 switching disciplines and becoming semi-professional in modern dance. But I met boys. And booze. And parties. And friends that did nothing all afternoon but hang out, drive around, and basically have fun. There is no need to say that abandoned my promising career before it even started, and am nowhere close being a dancer.
The last 15-ish years I have come back once again to practice some moves here and there. But always felt awkward whenever starting a new class. First, my head has advanced but my body was beginner. It is so annoying to know you can do stuff and your body not responding! Secondly, the age. See, most of the cities in Mexico, dance academies are for girls or teenagers. Or, the other scenario can be latin rhythms dancing full of ladies in their 50´s that are just trying to shake off their booties.
Postponing it for years, I am taking advantage of my start doing stop thinking stage and I went to try out a ballet class. I did not allow myself to enlist all the things that could embarrass me so it wouldn´t stop me from attending and trying out this thing.
1. All girls wearing black ballet attire and ballet shoes. Me? Wearing my blue adidas running attire, with my extra colorful sweatshirt, and yes, you guess correctly, Nike socks.
2. 4 girls. Ages? I guess between 12 and 17. And me? 33.
3. The teacher didn´t tell me what the hell was I supposed to do, nor paid extra attention the new student. Me? I followed the girl in front of my and prayed.
4. The lights went out in the middle of the session. Rain. There I was stuck in a classroom full of blooming progesterone wanting to disappear.
5. My body seriously cannot lift a leg or arch the back like it did 15 years ago. Tsk, tsk.
What amazed me and was worth everything was the fact that somehow my body knew all the postures, remembered the technique, knew when to open the knees and how to place the hands. No matter how long ago it was, the memory in my kinestethic system was superb. We are wonderful machines.
So I guess who freaking cares if I was awkward. How much trash we hold in our thoughts that stop us from doing so many things??!! What, am I supposed to do yoga and pilates only because it´s trendy and goes according to my age? Am I supposed to wait until I live in a metropolis to find suitable classes for me? Life is too short to concern myself with social restrictions of that kind. Do not worry, I still have manners and know how to behave myself properly and according to my thirties.
Who knows if I will be back. I do know I love movement and dancing and I will find it.
Do not let awkwardness stop you from trying out stuff and doing what makes your heart sing. We only get this one life.
And bless meditation for making it sooo freaking easy to transcend the limits of the mind.